Scared…

Now it seems that I'm fading away. I've done my share, played my part, and I still haven't been granted freedom from these quick-silver shackles. It seems like every little thing I do, are pinned to a wall; I'm stuck, no where to run, the shadows aren't willing to hide me. Pull me under all this horror, drown me in my own tears.

I scramble for something to grab onto, but it looks like you're leaving with a dismissive hand. If I lay my frail fingers on your arm, to try and coax you back, I end up back-handed and cowering in a corner. They say it's not my fault, but I'm the one to blame. I try everything to get away from these nightmares. Here I go, chasing you down again. It only brings me back to those memories of your handsome grin, I told you not to paint over your smile...

Fallen…

My dearest love, why did you bring the knife to your face, shove it in your mouth and dare me to slice another scar across your strikingly perfect features? When I refused, why did you press that cold blade to my throat, lean in, whisper in my ear how much you want to just love me, hold me. 'A single pulse of scarlet can hush the inner demons, my dear...' Your voice was rugged, scratching along your vocal cords as you licked your lips, throat dry.

I remember touching your hair, how it clung to your skin, caressed your high set cheek bones, so defined and strong was your jaw. Teeth white, straight and perfect. Your eyes were losing the last of their brightest glow, the growing insanity clutching your joy and holding it prisoner in your wretched, blackening heart, made your smile twitch demonically. An unnatural grin, one you wanted tattooed on your face. How many scars until you feel you’ve mutilated yourself enough…?

Blame…

Now, as I beg you, lips plastered with my own blood, my eyes bleed a soft pastel blue. My tears, every one, is for you, even if you don’t catch them all in your hand. I wish I could be the love you want me to be, I feel I never meet up to your expectations. You’re my first, my only, my last love, even if we’ve just met. I belong to you. Take me away.

You walk out the door, to go live life, before I can throw all my love into your eyes, I tear off pieces of myself for you, to try and make you whole, try to make up for all those scars, those self inflicted flaws. How I love you, how I want you, how I loathe your insanity.

Despair…

A child loved, a child torn. A child warned, a child born. A child regretted, a child scorned. Your words, they confuse me, why can’t you speak how you used to? So many questions, I apologize for them. Take this burden from my shoulders, because I’m not sure I can carry all this on my back. The roses are red, in my eyes, so I wonder what shade of color, the world is to you. If I see the sun as a liquid amber, do you see it as a cobalt blue, or is everything in a bland texture of black and white. Black and white, that reminds me- Burned.

I huddle with the crying bundle securely in my arms, hushing it as best I can. Your voice, again in that rugged, scratched tone, bounces off the walls, I hide my face and feel a hot splash of tears trickle down my cheeks. You promised no more tears, you promised no more pain, no more excuses for the blood stains. How can I raise such a blessing? Hating whilst loving, how is that possible to feel both? You blame me, I blame myself, narrowed down to being wanted I-
Lost.